KINDNESS /ˈkʌɪn(d)nəs/: affection, warmth, gentleness, tenderness, concern, care;

So I sat thinking for a while about what to share with the class tonight.  As it was my final lesson with them I wanted to share something important.  What learning did I value most?    And what did I think was of most use to others right now??
I meditated, ruminated and contemplated …trying to come up with something brilliant and inspiring… but I was tired.    Overwhelmed from overdoing it.   From running to catch up with all the things my mind had promised – before consulting my body and consciousness to see if they had capacity or that corporate gem ‘bandwidth’ to keep up.    As the tiredness and overwhelm set in I pondered whether I even had any energy or insight to offer.   Perhaps I wasn’t up to it.   What did I know anyway?   And who cared what my insights were?  Then I heard my self-talk and stopped in my tracks.

Kindness.    Not to others – we hear that all the time.    Tonight, the most important thing I could share was about KINDNESS TO YOU from …YOU.

So… How to be kind.   And what does it mean?

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Do you ever consider your value to the world?

Not how much you earn …or what you look like …or whether the life you’ve created is ‘worthy’ or ‘on path’ … but really really –  What alchemy of  love,  boldness,  fun,  vulnerability,  strength and kindness is the being that is you??   What is added and changed in the universe just by your existence?
When you are feeling challenged, it’s important to remember that your existence has purpose.   You are seen.   And supported.   And loved.   Both for who you are as a single entity and as part of a greater picture.

But when you are not feeling seen…  Or supported…  Or loved…   It may surprise (or dismay) you to know that actually all of those things start with us.   If we don’t create and nurture those feelings by ourselves – for ourselves… we will never feel them.  No one else can come along and magically make those things happen.  If you rely on them to do so – ultimately your relationship, be it romantic/friendship/parent/child/colleague – will fail.   And you will feel lonelier, emptier and less supported and loved than ever.   You will begin to believe lies like   “men/women/people are all *fill in with your fave swear word* and can’t be trusted”   and  “no one loves me”    or the ever present   “it’s because I’m not good enough”   which can also be turned around in a self-defence measure to   “no one else is good enough”   ….because no one else can fill that void within you… but you.

When there is chaotic energy around you, and pressure coming from a number of places,  it is more important than ever to feel really really good about who you are  …where you are  …and what you do.    And to bring softness to any challenges you find within.

A lot of us don’t even think twice about being unkind to ourselves.   We unconsciously use our thoughts to constantly barrage ourselves with recriminations, threats and disgust.    Take a step back – would you speak to someone you care deeply about that way?   Imagine a small child or pet you hold dear….   Would you say half the things to them that you say to yourself with your thoughts??

On a planetary level the next few months are con-joined Pluto and Saturn retrogrades – on the surface this means it may seem like you and the people around you are tired, annoyed and life is going somewhat crazy.   All of your self-doubt and lack of self-acceptance may be coming to the fore in a much stronger way than it has previously.   What is happening on a deeper level is opportunities to really find yourself and your purpose.   This year the planets are literally aligning to help you – you just have to do the work by going deep within and being kind to yourself where healing is needed.   While self-responsibility is key – being soft with it makes it easier.

So how to be kind to yourself?

  • The first part is noticing when you’re being unkind.   Look for communication from your body, it is a physical representation of where your thoughts are.    Watch and notice – use your body posture as a barometer to see where you’re at.   If you’re slumped, frowning, moody or achy – chances are that some negative self-talk has been happening without you realizing.   Then gently say to yourself – ‘whatever I need to achieve – this isn’t helping much’ and do something to change your mood and internal chat.   Deep breathing,  meditations,  get a cup of tea,  play your favourite song,  go for a walk,  skype a friend,  dance,  sing… whatever it takes to snap yourself out of it and into a happier place.
  • Ask someone or yourself – what am I good at?  What do I enjoy doing??   Really work on that and build it up.   Feed that energy and bring it forward.
  • When you do notice yourself using negative self-talk – set a trigger to visualise yourself talking that way to someone you really care about.   Or perhaps a younger version of yourself.   Would you use that language to encourage them?   What would you say instead to achieve the best from them?   Because your end goal is not to shame yourself into doing the right thing,  but to motivate yourself into outperforming on a regular basis.   Its training 101.   Encouragement beats fear and shaming for consistent, high quality long term results every time.
  • Be soft in your approach to yourself and to others.  The softer you are – the softer you feel and will be received by those around you.   Softness defuses defensive, hard and angry energy.   It enables conversations instead of confrontations.

Lastly… Speak with love.   To yourself, to others and about others.   You really are awesome.  Amazing.    And loved…   and actually you’re just on the way to catching up to everyone else  ….who knew that about you already.

Wishing you love and wellness….

Désirée

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